i woke up to find that Jesse wasn't lying next to me. i looked around and began to grow panicked. my hands fumbled through the sheets as i tried to remove myself from their tightness. my fingers brushed across a piece of paper and i grabbed it quickly. Devon, don't worry I'm downstairs making breakfast with my dad. come down when your ready. Jesse
i smiled and threw on some clothes racing down the steps feeling like a new person. "well good morning Devon!" i smiled brightly at Jesse's dad and picked up the plate he passed me. "sit honey and eat,you need your strength." "thanks Dr.graves." "no problem I'm off to work now. you two don't be late to school." "OK dad." Jesse called out. i turned to see her sitting on the couch. she smiled and ran over to me. we listened for the front door to close and she grabbed my face and kissed me. "how did you sleep?" "very well thank you. but why did you leave me?" "i had to so my dad wouldn't be suspicious. i don't want him to kick out my girlfriend." i smiled at the new term and felt like bursting. "I'm your..girlfriend?" Jesse smiled and kissed me again."yes you are baby and nothing is going to change that." she sat with me while i ate my food and then we left for school after i got dressed.
arriving at school was different now. i didn't pay attention to other people or try to interpret their intentions. i only focused on the person that was holding my hand. i dreaded having to part for classes but she was always there when i walked out of the door. we ate lunch together in her car and talked. i felt like there was always more i could learn about her. and i never wanted to stop learning she was like a good book you couldn't put down. like a drink of water that was way too good you couldn't stop drinking it. the best part of it all...was that she was mine and i never had to let go of her....no more fear..no more lost..no more sadness..no more destiny...from now on..it would forever be DEVON&JESSE
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
no more-jesse
"Devon" my hand found hers and i couldn't let the love of my life walk away from me. she looked down at our hands and turned back to me. the tears slid gracefully down her face and she gasped quietly. her lips formed my name and mine formed hers. she was starting to say something else but i couldn't let her. i stood up and looked into her deep hazel eyes. searching for the answer to the question in my mind. my lips found her forehead and i heard her sigh as i let them rest there. her smell was intoxicating and her form was irresistible. but i held back i needed her to trust me because i would never do anything to hurt her. i rested my head on hers and felt her body shake as she sobbed quietly. i whispered into her ear that everything was ok. i wouldn't leave her i loved her and could never hate her. she was beautiful inside and out and she created a new person a new Jesse.
silently i wiped away her tears continuing to look into her eyes. she smiled faintly and caressed my cheek... i let her make all the moves she pulled my face to hers and let hers lips rest on mine. they moved together...wanting more both of us together. connecting in the simplest way possible. she touched me and held me close. i could feel her need building up but i didn't want to rush anything. she was in charge she needed to have that control so she wouldn't be scared. i needed her not to be scared. she laid me back down on the bed and laid on me, resting her head on my chest listening to my heart. i rubbed her hair and held her tightly. she move and looked into my eyes straight into my heart. "you love me." she exclaimed quietly. "yes i do. very much." "i...you know i love you too Jesse?" i nodded and she found my hand holding it tightly. "don't let me go..ever." "i will never let you go Devon, i promise." again we kissed and i showed her what love was...not what her father did to her. but i showed her the passion and we both figured out what "making love" was. that beautiful moment....she smiled and one lone tear fell from her eye. i tried to wipe it away but she stopped me. "no..let it stay. it's the first tear of happiness I've ever cried....."
Friday, October 2, 2009
"NO MORE!" i couldn't believe those words had come out of my mouth. i loved Jesse i knew i did. but when she began touching me i liked it. and it just reminded me of all the times my father had tried to seduce me and persuade me to like the things he was doing to me. i tried to say something to Jesse but i couldn't. my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. she hates me she hates me i know she does,..."Jesse I'm so sorry..i just..i don't know please forgive me." she made her way back to me and sat next to me. but she made sure to give me my space i started to cry. she found me disgusting and worthless i knew she would. I'm nothing but a piece of trash to be used over and over again. no one with any common sense would love me. they would see how messed up and undeserving i am of their friendship and love. i feel like dying...i stood up and began to walk away from Jesse but she grab my hand and wouldn't let go.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
no more
Jesse: she's telling me everything..I'm so proud of her and so in love. i can see that madness and darkness lingering under her fragile surface. my fingers itched with the urge to stroke her cheek but she would probably break. her eyes were bright but tears were beginning to fall without her notice. well she probably knew she was crying but wanted to seem strong. I've always watched her and wondered what she was thinking. then i finally took the chance and talked to her. she seemed happy but also utterly depressed. i wanted needed to help her. when we first kissed i felt a series of happy explosions in my heart. nobody has ever made me feel that way only Devon well destiny but i know how she feels about that name. when i gave her that name that had been circling around my brain for the longest time she was so happy. it made me feel amazing to be the one to make her happy and put a smile on that beautiful face. the one that her trifling father scarred and bruised. he used her and hurt her i was going to erase all of that.she deserves so much better and I'm the one that will give her better. I've loved her since i first saw her walking down the school halls. my love deepened and grew as i got to know her and see who she really was. I'm not a psychologist but I'm someone that cares deeply about her. i always will.this love i feel will never fade away and I'm going to be her protector.
i promise to never let her father touch her again. or anyone that wants to bring harm her way. "Devon?" "Yes Jesse?" "I'm so sorry for all that has happened to you. I'm going to be there for you no matter what i promise. and i need you to know that..." her eyes got wide and i got lost in them my thoughts went out the window and she was all that was there. i leaned forward and kissed her before my mind could tell me to stop. her hands were on my face, my hands around her waist this was the first time i had ever been close to someone. i laid her down on the bed and continued to shower her with kisses. my hands traveled from her waist to her stomach then to her chest i just wanted to touch every part of her. have her touch every part of me, i needed us to be together as one. "NO! NO MORE! STOP!" she screamed. i immediately jumped off of her and pressed myself against the wall. "I'm sorry Devon I'm so sorry."
Saturday, August 15, 2009
no more
"Jesse." she walked into my doorway and smiled softly. "yes Devon." "could you just come sit with me. i really need some company right now." she walked over to the bed and sat down beside me putting her arm around my shoulder. i leaned into her and sighed. her smell was amazing it was the hardest thing to describe. it was just natural and Jesse,it was the best thing I've ever smelled. i grew more comfortable as she rubbed my arm and hummed softly in my ear. "now tell me whats wrong?" Jesse asked. i could feel her looking down at me and i started to blush. "i just needed you here.i was thinking about really negative things and i knew you would comfort me." "is there anything in specific that you want to talk to me about?" in my head i was going through all the past suicide attempts and the hatred i felt towards my self and my father. i even thought about how much i loved my mother but hated her at the same time. she let that horrid man touch me in ways that a father shouldn't touch his daughter.
"all the things she put me through and i still love her. she was the women that gave me life but she was also the one that let someone take it away. while i screamed and begged for her help she swallowed huge amounts of antidepressants and snorted cocaine. but i cant blame her....he did it to her. that man put her through horrible things,the only reason they are together is because of me. he raped her on their first date and i was the result. her parents kicked her out and he was the only one she could go to. she liked him and convinced herself that she wanted him. after that he kept her under lock and key. while she was pregnant her wouldn't let her leave the house for anything,her friends couldn't come to visit she couldn't even call them. she started feeling the effects of his torture and became depressed,it increased after i was born. he wanted to make her happy so he would bring over his druggie friends and make her try them out. the drugs and the men." Jesse gasped and hugged me tighter i had just realized how shaky my voice sounded but i continued with my mothers story.
"all the things she put me through and i still love her. she was the women that gave me life but she was also the one that let someone take it away. while i screamed and begged for her help she swallowed huge amounts of antidepressants and snorted cocaine. but i cant blame her....he did it to her. that man put her through horrible things,the only reason they are together is because of me. he raped her on their first date and i was the result. her parents kicked her out and he was the only one she could go to. she liked him and convinced herself that she wanted him. after that he kept her under lock and key. while she was pregnant her wouldn't let her leave the house for anything,her friends couldn't come to visit she couldn't even call them. she started feeling the effects of his torture and became depressed,it increased after i was born. he wanted to make her happy so he would bring over his druggie friends and make her try them out. the drugs and the men." Jesse gasped and hugged me tighter i had just realized how shaky my voice sounded but i continued with my mothers story.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
No More
Nobody knows..they don't understand the pain within. I'm the only one that can see it. i look at these scars and see the past which cant be brushed away. every painful memory comes back and tears at my soul. it hurts to even look at myself in the mirror. can anyone help me? can they tell me that everything will be okay before i end it once and for all?Ever since then i have no name i have no face and no body. though i am alive and walking,the inside is hollow. this outer shell doesn't keep me warm it only chills my spirit more. i refuse to be called that hideous name that i heard slip from his lips. i am nothing and i will remain that way because he took everything away from me. stripped me of my self worth and security when he forcibly entered me.I will not...i cannot..repeat all the wrong that has been done to me. what good will it do now? he still holds my body in his hands and uses it for his pleasure. even when he is no where near me. i feel his stares and it makes bile rise in my throat. i cant run away,and i cant tell....after all he is..my father....
"Destiny! Girl i know you heard me bring you ass over here!!" his voice boomed in the small apartment making me want to curl up in a ball and die. the smell of beer and tobacco was strong and that meant he was ready to party. "If i have to call your name one more time i promise i will smack the shit out of you!" every word out of his mouth made me sick. but i got out of my room and stood in front of him. he lay on the couch and looked up at me with a crooked grin on his face,the kind of look a father shouldn't give his daughter. "Hey baby. Come sit next to your daddy i need some company." "i need to finish my homework." i said silently looking down at the ground. "You can do that stuff later. Your smart,now come here." He pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I really need to go i have to get my project done." i pushed him away and ran to my room. "Don't worry baby I'll see you later." i slammed the door and slid down crying trying to figure out a way to stop his midnight visits. but no matter what i tried it always ended the same way....I fell asleep in another world reading to keep my mind off of my reality. but in the middle of the night i heard the knocks. every night i lock my door hoping he'll just pass by but it never happens. "Destiny wake up!!" mom please i know your there i know you hear him.please stop this.... i curled up in a tight ball and pulled the cover over my head. he ripped them off and grabbed me tightly. his hands were hot and felt like they were burning my skin through my clothes,but soon those were gone i lay there and let him do these things to me. there was no way to stop him...why mom why?
School
Just another word for prison in my book i still feel the stares of my father in the faces of every boy in my path. the girls are no problem they mostly ignore me or talk trash. but with no feelings inside it doesn't phase me. the teachers..they push me to excel while i just fade into the darkness that surrounds my every step. there is one things that brings light to my eyes and its Jesse...I see Jesse walking the halls everyday and i feel that this is the person that will understand my pain. the soft eyes and sincere smiles, reassuring pats on the back to all her friends. maybe if i told her my situation she would help me,give me the love and understanding that i need. NO i cant think like that no one loves me..no one cares I'm invisible. just another notch on his bedpost..."Um excuse me isn't your name Destiny?" i turned at the sound of a low female voice. i couldn't believe my eyes it was Jesse she was actually talking to me. "Unfortunately yes that is my name." i cursed myself in my head,no one knew that i hated my name that every time i heard it i died a little inside. "Oh well what would you like to be called?" she looked at me and smiled. "i never thought about it just anything other than that...". she looked me up and down and for the first time i didn't feel sick like when my father looked at me that way. my stomach was full of butterflies and my heart was beating for the first time. "How about Devon? You look like a Devon to me. Is that OK?" i thought about it and liked the way it sounded Devon...."Yeah i like that. I like it a lot." i smiled and my body felt warm i had been numb and hollow for so long but someone was making me feel human. "Alright then i was wondering if you would like to hang out with me and some friends at the mall tonight?" i couldn't believe it but as much as i wanted to say yes i knew i couldn't my father wouldn't allow it. "I really wish i could but my father wouldn't let me." i looked down at the ground and felt like crying. "Who says he has to know we were going to leave right after school just come with us. You can ride in my car." "Yeah I'll go,where do you want me to meet you Jesse?" she looked at me and gave me a big grin. "I'll meet you right here after the bell rings. See you later Devon." with that she walked away and left me feeling too alert.
Brring
The bell rang and i jumped out of my seat the warm feeling returning my body on high alert. i walked quickly out of my class trying not to draw unwanted attention. i rounded the corner to the area Jesse and i were talking and there she was...she smiled and signaled for me to come to her. "Hey Devon! You ready to go?" i couldn't speak not yet so i just nodded happily. because i truly felt happy for the first time in my life. "Alright then follow me." we walked out of school side by side and i couldn't help peaking looks at her. i also noticed that she was doing the same,but i liked it it was different than what i was used to. she wasn't looking at me like a piece of meat...she looked at me like i was beautiful. like a painting in a gallery or a famous sculpture that someone would pay millions for,the happiness inside was increasing and i felt like i would burst.We got to her car and she open the door for me ushering me in. "Am i the only one riding with you?" "Uh yes you are. I wanted to get to know you. We have been going to school with each other for so long and i don't think we have even spoken to each other. So i decided to change that and here we are." she turned on the radio and began driving. i never really cared for music it didn't seem to do anything for me like books and poems did but she listened to classical. pianos and violins playing delicate melodies that made me think. "I really like your music." "Oh thanks this is just something i recorded in my room one night." "Are you serious?" she nodded bashfully and at the stop light she made the move to turn off the radio. "I'm going to start singing and i don't think you want to hear that." "Wait no i do keep it on." she listened to me and kept driving. i was stunned as her voice floated out of the speakers,it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. her voice was perfectly even and androgynous. she sang about opening up and letting someone else hold onto your pain. the song ended and i felt like crying, i looked up at her profile saw deep into her i could tell what she was about and i felt the deepest connection to her like there was a unbreakable string holding us together. "That was so beautiful,i loved every second of it." "Really?" "Yes you are very talented." "Thank you very much Devon." i nodded and turned my head to look out the window enjoying the happy feeling for as long as i could...
"thanks for inviting me out today. i had fun." i got out of Jesse's car and began walking towards my apartment building. "I'll see you in school tomorrow Devon." she drove away and left me still feeling warm. as i walked up the steps the warm feeling started to slip away my insides were chilled and i knew something bad was going to happen.
I slowly opened the door and snuck in trying to avoid seeing my father. "Where have you been Destiny?!" he came out of the darkness and slammed me against the door. his hands wrapped around my throat tightly and i began seeing black dots. "Who told you that you could stay out all night without my permission?" "Its only nine." i choked out. his hand left my neck and i fell to the floor,but the punishment wasn't over. i coughed loudly and cried as he kicked and punched me. i couldn't run away i was stuck in that spot trying to cover my internal organs so i wouldn't have to make another trip to the hospital. the continuous blows to my stomach made me cough up blood and i felt like i was going to black out.
He paused and walked away,leaving me coughing and bleeding on the floor. "That should teach you not to stay out all night. Now go clean yourself up so you can go to school tomorrow." i coughed and crawled to my room trying my hardest to stay awake. when i finally got into the bathroom i saw my reflection and began crying again. my right eye was black and swollen,my lip was bleeding and so was my nose. i could feel the bruises forming all over my body but i could cover those with clothes like i always do. i started the shower and got in praying that my father wouldn't decide to join me. the hot water felt like it was burning away all my pain but i knew it would still be there. everyday for the rest of my life day in and day out i cant escape.
Maybe if i end my life in this shower everything will be better...i wont have to live through this pain everyday....no i cant do that...i think i have something to live for...Jesse
I woke up the next morning feeling like i had been run over by a truck. every muscle in my body felt like it had been trampled on.i had woken up earlier than i usually do to make sure i wouldn't see my father. i checked my reflection one more time and things had gotten a little better but you could still tell that i was beat up. what was i going to tell my teachers...what was i going to tell Jesse.
I decided to walk to school as to avoid the looks and stares from random people who didn't really care about my well being. when i arrived at my locker i was surprised to see Jesse standing there waiting on me. when she looked up at me her warm smile turned into a frown. "Oh my god! Devon what happened to you?!" "Nothing I'm fine." "Don't lie to me,you have a black eye and a cut on your lip. What happened?" just hearing the open concern in her voice made tears fall from my eyes. she hugged me tight and i gasped in pain from my other bruises. "Oh I'm sorry come with me." she directed me to the bathroom and looked into my eyes. "I'm just going to check everything out and make sure your OK?" i nodded and she slowly lifted my shirt and exposed the marks on my stomach."Devon..turn around." i turned and she pressed lightly on my side which made me take a quick breath. "I think you have a broken rib. Why didn't you go to the hospital so they could check you out. Who even did this to you?" she looked at me like she was trying to read my face but i couldn't let her see the pain within. "I fell down the steps on the way to my apartment..." "i don't believe that. All i want to do is help Devon,I'm here for you just tell me what happened."
The walls felt like they were tumbling down when i broke down and told her everything. i let her into my life and expressed myself fully for the first time. i told her about all the pain I've endured and who was responsible for it and how i had no way to escape. i let her know all of my thoughts and how thinking about her last night probably saved my life. she held my hand and wiped away my tears telling me everything would be OK. i didn't feel invisible anymore because someone important was looking at me and listening to me. "I'm here for you Devon and i always will be whenever you need someone to talk to I'm here. also I'm going to protect you because you are a special person and you deserve happiness,you don't deserve your own father violating you and abusing you." i began crying again and Jesse held me close and let me cry on her shoulder....thank you god for finally sending me an angel....
"We need to get out of here." Jesse took my hands and ushered me out of the bathroom. "I'm taking you to the hospital you need to be looked at by the doctor." i could only nod and trust her with everything.We arrived at the emergency room after sneaking out of school and Jesse sat me down and went to talk to a nurse. when she came back she had a frustrated look on her face, "Jesse,what's wrong?" she sighed and looked at me."Nothing I'm just trying to get you in to see my dad but the nurse is being a bitch." "Look you don't have to deal with this. I know how to patch myself up I've been through it before." "No! I'm getting you help and i cant let you go back to that place. Your staying with me." "My dad isn't going to like that." "Who gives a shit what that asshole likes! I don't and i hope he rots in hell for all the pain he's caused you."
"Dr.Graves will see you now." Jesse helped me up and we went to see her father. "Oh my honey what happened to your friend?" "Dad this is Devon and she is being sexually abused by her father and i said we would help her. Plus i think she has a broken rib from the beating he gave her last night." her father looked at me with the same concern that his daughter had i could see where she got her love and compassion from. "Devon can you tell me how long this has been going on?" i couldn't speak my throat closed up and i could only look to Jesse for help. "Dad she told me everything can we just let her rest and ill tell you what i know?" he nodded and told me to relax while he escorted Jesse out.
My heart was pounding and my brain couldn't process what was going on i felt like i would throw up. but i finally closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep....
i opened my eyes and saw Jesse looking at me.she smiled and pushed the hair out of my face."Are you OK Devon?" "Now i am,I'm just happy to see your face." she smiled again and kissed me on the forehead. "You are so special to me Devon and i want the absolute best for you." "Why?" "Because i love you."
I woke from my dream to her eyes she was looking at me with a concerned look on her face." Are you OK Devon?" i sat up quickly and gasped from the pain,she had said the exact words from my dream. i groaned and laid back down "I guess i shouldn't sit up too quickly." "Yeah i don't need you to hurt yourself." she smiled and sat down next to me. i looked at my surroundings and noticed i was in a hospital room."When did i get in here?" "Oh yeah my father moved you here so you could get some rest and be looked after." "Wow tell him i said thank you but i think i should go home." "NO!" i looked at her in shock and she sighed deeply." I'm sorry i didn't mean to yell. but i cannot let you go back there my dad said its OK for you to stay at my house for as long as you need to." "I don't know what to say." "Don't say anything cause i got you. I'm going to take care of you,and i don't want you to worry about anything." i felt like crying i finally felt like a person because someone finally cared. i wasn't invisible anymore someone was looking at me and not through me.someone was helping me and not using me for there own needs.We sat (well i lay there) in my hospital room and talked she told me about her past and what she wanted for the future. how she got into music and loved composing music for her band."Its not a rock band and it isn't classical,i mix everything up and play different instruments. the piano,violin. guitar,bass,and piano." "Oh and you sing,very well." "Thank you i never really thought that but its nice to hear." "Your welcome, how many people are in your band?" "Not many just Carey,David,and I." "That's cool." she looked at me for a while and then smiled and looked away.
"There's something i really want to tell you but i don't think i should." she continued to look away while she talked to me."Just tell me" "OK well i think you are absolutely beautiful and the most amazing girl id ever met in my life." inside i was bursting with excitement but i didn't know what to say. my mouth had a mind of its own and blurted out, "Kiss me Jesse." she turned and kissed me softly on the lips. my body was on fire and everything felt different,this was something i wanted not something that was forced upon me. Jesse continued to kiss me and i let her because this was the single most wonderful thing that had ever happened in my life.
We arrived at Jesse's house and she helped me out of the car. i hadn't heard from my father since he yelled out the door when Jesse's father packed up all my things. it was such a relief to be rid of the pain that he caused me and to have some happiness in my life. she took me up to her room and we lay on her bed listening to music. i thought about everything and nothing i could feel when she turned her head to look at me and her gaze made me blush. "Embarrassed?" i smiled and turned to look at her "No but i can feel you looking at me." "Its hard not to look you really are beautiful." she ran her thumb down my cheek and kissed my forehead."Jesse! Show Devon to her room." she groaned in my ear and jumped off her bed. "OK come one ill show you where your going to stay." she helped me off the bed and took me down the hall. "Sorry its not extravagant but its just a guest room." "Its better than my room back home." i stepped in and lay on the bed. "Thank you for everything Jesse."
"Destiny! Girl i know you heard me bring you ass over here!!" his voice boomed in the small apartment making me want to curl up in a ball and die. the smell of beer and tobacco was strong and that meant he was ready to party. "If i have to call your name one more time i promise i will smack the shit out of you!" every word out of his mouth made me sick. but i got out of my room and stood in front of him. he lay on the couch and looked up at me with a crooked grin on his face,the kind of look a father shouldn't give his daughter. "Hey baby. Come sit next to your daddy i need some company." "i need to finish my homework." i said silently looking down at the ground. "You can do that stuff later. Your smart,now come here." He pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I really need to go i have to get my project done." i pushed him away and ran to my room. "Don't worry baby I'll see you later." i slammed the door and slid down crying trying to figure out a way to stop his midnight visits. but no matter what i tried it always ended the same way....I fell asleep in another world reading to keep my mind off of my reality. but in the middle of the night i heard the knocks. every night i lock my door hoping he'll just pass by but it never happens. "Destiny wake up!!" mom please i know your there i know you hear him.please stop this.... i curled up in a tight ball and pulled the cover over my head. he ripped them off and grabbed me tightly. his hands were hot and felt like they were burning my skin through my clothes,but soon those were gone i lay there and let him do these things to me. there was no way to stop him...why mom why?
School
Just another word for prison in my book i still feel the stares of my father in the faces of every boy in my path. the girls are no problem they mostly ignore me or talk trash. but with no feelings inside it doesn't phase me. the teachers..they push me to excel while i just fade into the darkness that surrounds my every step. there is one things that brings light to my eyes and its Jesse...I see Jesse walking the halls everyday and i feel that this is the person that will understand my pain. the soft eyes and sincere smiles, reassuring pats on the back to all her friends. maybe if i told her my situation she would help me,give me the love and understanding that i need. NO i cant think like that no one loves me..no one cares I'm invisible. just another notch on his bedpost..."Um excuse me isn't your name Destiny?" i turned at the sound of a low female voice. i couldn't believe my eyes it was Jesse she was actually talking to me. "Unfortunately yes that is my name." i cursed myself in my head,no one knew that i hated my name that every time i heard it i died a little inside. "Oh well what would you like to be called?" she looked at me and smiled. "i never thought about it just anything other than that...". she looked me up and down and for the first time i didn't feel sick like when my father looked at me that way. my stomach was full of butterflies and my heart was beating for the first time. "How about Devon? You look like a Devon to me. Is that OK?" i thought about it and liked the way it sounded Devon...."Yeah i like that. I like it a lot." i smiled and my body felt warm i had been numb and hollow for so long but someone was making me feel human. "Alright then i was wondering if you would like to hang out with me and some friends at the mall tonight?" i couldn't believe it but as much as i wanted to say yes i knew i couldn't my father wouldn't allow it. "I really wish i could but my father wouldn't let me." i looked down at the ground and felt like crying. "Who says he has to know we were going to leave right after school just come with us. You can ride in my car." "Yeah I'll go,where do you want me to meet you Jesse?" she looked at me and gave me a big grin. "I'll meet you right here after the bell rings. See you later Devon." with that she walked away and left me feeling too alert.
Brring
The bell rang and i jumped out of my seat the warm feeling returning my body on high alert. i walked quickly out of my class trying not to draw unwanted attention. i rounded the corner to the area Jesse and i were talking and there she was...she smiled and signaled for me to come to her. "Hey Devon! You ready to go?" i couldn't speak not yet so i just nodded happily. because i truly felt happy for the first time in my life. "Alright then follow me." we walked out of school side by side and i couldn't help peaking looks at her. i also noticed that she was doing the same,but i liked it it was different than what i was used to. she wasn't looking at me like a piece of meat...she looked at me like i was beautiful. like a painting in a gallery or a famous sculpture that someone would pay millions for,the happiness inside was increasing and i felt like i would burst.We got to her car and she open the door for me ushering me in. "Am i the only one riding with you?" "Uh yes you are. I wanted to get to know you. We have been going to school with each other for so long and i don't think we have even spoken to each other. So i decided to change that and here we are." she turned on the radio and began driving. i never really cared for music it didn't seem to do anything for me like books and poems did but she listened to classical. pianos and violins playing delicate melodies that made me think. "I really like your music." "Oh thanks this is just something i recorded in my room one night." "Are you serious?" she nodded bashfully and at the stop light she made the move to turn off the radio. "I'm going to start singing and i don't think you want to hear that." "Wait no i do keep it on." she listened to me and kept driving. i was stunned as her voice floated out of the speakers,it was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. her voice was perfectly even and androgynous. she sang about opening up and letting someone else hold onto your pain. the song ended and i felt like crying, i looked up at her profile saw deep into her i could tell what she was about and i felt the deepest connection to her like there was a unbreakable string holding us together. "That was so beautiful,i loved every second of it." "Really?" "Yes you are very talented." "Thank you very much Devon." i nodded and turned my head to look out the window enjoying the happy feeling for as long as i could...
"thanks for inviting me out today. i had fun." i got out of Jesse's car and began walking towards my apartment building. "I'll see you in school tomorrow Devon." she drove away and left me still feeling warm. as i walked up the steps the warm feeling started to slip away my insides were chilled and i knew something bad was going to happen.
I slowly opened the door and snuck in trying to avoid seeing my father. "Where have you been Destiny?!" he came out of the darkness and slammed me against the door. his hands wrapped around my throat tightly and i began seeing black dots. "Who told you that you could stay out all night without my permission?" "Its only nine." i choked out. his hand left my neck and i fell to the floor,but the punishment wasn't over. i coughed loudly and cried as he kicked and punched me. i couldn't run away i was stuck in that spot trying to cover my internal organs so i wouldn't have to make another trip to the hospital. the continuous blows to my stomach made me cough up blood and i felt like i was going to black out.
He paused and walked away,leaving me coughing and bleeding on the floor. "That should teach you not to stay out all night. Now go clean yourself up so you can go to school tomorrow." i coughed and crawled to my room trying my hardest to stay awake. when i finally got into the bathroom i saw my reflection and began crying again. my right eye was black and swollen,my lip was bleeding and so was my nose. i could feel the bruises forming all over my body but i could cover those with clothes like i always do. i started the shower and got in praying that my father wouldn't decide to join me. the hot water felt like it was burning away all my pain but i knew it would still be there. everyday for the rest of my life day in and day out i cant escape.
Maybe if i end my life in this shower everything will be better...i wont have to live through this pain everyday....no i cant do that...i think i have something to live for...Jesse
I woke up the next morning feeling like i had been run over by a truck. every muscle in my body felt like it had been trampled on.i had woken up earlier than i usually do to make sure i wouldn't see my father. i checked my reflection one more time and things had gotten a little better but you could still tell that i was beat up. what was i going to tell my teachers...what was i going to tell Jesse.
I decided to walk to school as to avoid the looks and stares from random people who didn't really care about my well being. when i arrived at my locker i was surprised to see Jesse standing there waiting on me. when she looked up at me her warm smile turned into a frown. "Oh my god! Devon what happened to you?!" "Nothing I'm fine." "Don't lie to me,you have a black eye and a cut on your lip. What happened?" just hearing the open concern in her voice made tears fall from my eyes. she hugged me tight and i gasped in pain from my other bruises. "Oh I'm sorry come with me." she directed me to the bathroom and looked into my eyes. "I'm just going to check everything out and make sure your OK?" i nodded and she slowly lifted my shirt and exposed the marks on my stomach."Devon..turn around." i turned and she pressed lightly on my side which made me take a quick breath. "I think you have a broken rib. Why didn't you go to the hospital so they could check you out. Who even did this to you?" she looked at me like she was trying to read my face but i couldn't let her see the pain within. "I fell down the steps on the way to my apartment..." "i don't believe that. All i want to do is help Devon,I'm here for you just tell me what happened."
The walls felt like they were tumbling down when i broke down and told her everything. i let her into my life and expressed myself fully for the first time. i told her about all the pain I've endured and who was responsible for it and how i had no way to escape. i let her know all of my thoughts and how thinking about her last night probably saved my life. she held my hand and wiped away my tears telling me everything would be OK. i didn't feel invisible anymore because someone important was looking at me and listening to me. "I'm here for you Devon and i always will be whenever you need someone to talk to I'm here. also I'm going to protect you because you are a special person and you deserve happiness,you don't deserve your own father violating you and abusing you." i began crying again and Jesse held me close and let me cry on her shoulder....thank you god for finally sending me an angel....
"We need to get out of here." Jesse took my hands and ushered me out of the bathroom. "I'm taking you to the hospital you need to be looked at by the doctor." i could only nod and trust her with everything.We arrived at the emergency room after sneaking out of school and Jesse sat me down and went to talk to a nurse. when she came back she had a frustrated look on her face, "Jesse,what's wrong?" she sighed and looked at me."Nothing I'm just trying to get you in to see my dad but the nurse is being a bitch." "Look you don't have to deal with this. I know how to patch myself up I've been through it before." "No! I'm getting you help and i cant let you go back to that place. Your staying with me." "My dad isn't going to like that." "Who gives a shit what that asshole likes! I don't and i hope he rots in hell for all the pain he's caused you."
"Dr.Graves will see you now." Jesse helped me up and we went to see her father. "Oh my honey what happened to your friend?" "Dad this is Devon and she is being sexually abused by her father and i said we would help her. Plus i think she has a broken rib from the beating he gave her last night." her father looked at me with the same concern that his daughter had i could see where she got her love and compassion from. "Devon can you tell me how long this has been going on?" i couldn't speak my throat closed up and i could only look to Jesse for help. "Dad she told me everything can we just let her rest and ill tell you what i know?" he nodded and told me to relax while he escorted Jesse out.
My heart was pounding and my brain couldn't process what was going on i felt like i would throw up. but i finally closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep....
i opened my eyes and saw Jesse looking at me.she smiled and pushed the hair out of my face."Are you OK Devon?" "Now i am,I'm just happy to see your face." she smiled again and kissed me on the forehead. "You are so special to me Devon and i want the absolute best for you." "Why?" "Because i love you."
I woke from my dream to her eyes she was looking at me with a concerned look on her face." Are you OK Devon?" i sat up quickly and gasped from the pain,she had said the exact words from my dream. i groaned and laid back down "I guess i shouldn't sit up too quickly." "Yeah i don't need you to hurt yourself." she smiled and sat down next to me. i looked at my surroundings and noticed i was in a hospital room."When did i get in here?" "Oh yeah my father moved you here so you could get some rest and be looked after." "Wow tell him i said thank you but i think i should go home." "NO!" i looked at her in shock and she sighed deeply." I'm sorry i didn't mean to yell. but i cannot let you go back there my dad said its OK for you to stay at my house for as long as you need to." "I don't know what to say." "Don't say anything cause i got you. I'm going to take care of you,and i don't want you to worry about anything." i felt like crying i finally felt like a person because someone finally cared. i wasn't invisible anymore someone was looking at me and not through me.someone was helping me and not using me for there own needs.We sat (well i lay there) in my hospital room and talked she told me about her past and what she wanted for the future. how she got into music and loved composing music for her band."Its not a rock band and it isn't classical,i mix everything up and play different instruments. the piano,violin. guitar,bass,and piano." "Oh and you sing,very well." "Thank you i never really thought that but its nice to hear." "Your welcome, how many people are in your band?" "Not many just Carey,David,and I." "That's cool." she looked at me for a while and then smiled and looked away.
"There's something i really want to tell you but i don't think i should." she continued to look away while she talked to me."Just tell me" "OK well i think you are absolutely beautiful and the most amazing girl id ever met in my life." inside i was bursting with excitement but i didn't know what to say. my mouth had a mind of its own and blurted out, "Kiss me Jesse." she turned and kissed me softly on the lips. my body was on fire and everything felt different,this was something i wanted not something that was forced upon me. Jesse continued to kiss me and i let her because this was the single most wonderful thing that had ever happened in my life.
We arrived at Jesse's house and she helped me out of the car. i hadn't heard from my father since he yelled out the door when Jesse's father packed up all my things. it was such a relief to be rid of the pain that he caused me and to have some happiness in my life. she took me up to her room and we lay on her bed listening to music. i thought about everything and nothing i could feel when she turned her head to look at me and her gaze made me blush. "Embarrassed?" i smiled and turned to look at her "No but i can feel you looking at me." "Its hard not to look you really are beautiful." she ran her thumb down my cheek and kissed my forehead."Jesse! Show Devon to her room." she groaned in my ear and jumped off her bed. "OK come one ill show you where your going to stay." she helped me off the bed and took me down the hall. "Sorry its not extravagant but its just a guest room." "Its better than my room back home." i stepped in and lay on the bed. "Thank you for everything Jesse."
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