no more

"Jesse." she walked into my doorway and smiled softly. "yes Devon." "could you just come sit with me. i really need some company right now." she walked over to the bed and sat down beside me putting her arm around my shoulder. i leaned into her and sighed. her smell was amazing it was the hardest thing to describe. it was just natural and Jesse,it was the best thing I've ever smelled. i grew more comfortable as she rubbed my arm and hummed softly in my ear. "now tell me whats wrong?" Jesse asked. i could feel her looking down at me and i started to blush. "i just needed you here.i was thinking about really negative things and i knew you would comfort me." "is there anything in specific that you want to talk to me about?" in my head i was going through all the past suicide attempts and the hatred i felt towards my self and my father. i even thought about how much i loved my mother but hated her at the same time. she let that horrid man touch me in ways that a father shouldn't touch his daughter.
"all the things she put me through and i still love her. she was the women that gave me life but she was also the one that let someone take it away. while i screamed and begged for her help she swallowed huge amounts of antidepressants and snorted cocaine. but i cant blame her....he did it to her. that man put her through horrible things,the only reason they are together is because of me. he raped her on their first date and i was the result. her parents kicked her out and he was the only one she could go to. she liked him and convinced herself that she wanted him. after that he kept her under lock and key. while she was pregnant her wouldn't let her leave the house for anything,her friends couldn't come to visit she couldn't even call them. she started feeling the effects of his torture and became depressed,it increased after i was born. he wanted to make her happy so he would bring over his druggie friends and make her try them out. the drugs and the men." Jesse gasped and hugged me tighter i had just realized how shaky my voice sounded but i continued with my mothers story.