no more-jesse

"Devon" my hand found hers and i couldn't let the love of my life walk away from me. she looked down at our hands and turned back to me. the tears slid gracefully down her face and she gasped quietly. her lips formed my name and mine formed hers. she was starting to say something else but i couldn't let her. i stood up and looked into her deep hazel eyes. searching for the answer to the question in my mind. my lips found her forehead and i heard her sigh as i let them rest there. her smell was intoxicating and her form was irresistible. but i held back i needed her to trust me because i would never do anything to hurt her. i rested my head on hers and felt her body shake as she sobbed quietly. i whispered into her ear that everything was ok. i wouldn't leave her i loved her and could never hate her. she was beautiful inside and out and she created a new person a new Jesse.
silently i wiped away her tears continuing to look into her eyes. she smiled faintly and caressed my cheek... i let her make all the moves she pulled my face to hers and let hers lips rest on mine. they moved together...wanting more both of us together. connecting in the simplest way possible. she touched me and held me close. i could feel her need building up but i didn't want to rush anything. she was in charge she needed to have that control so she wouldn't be scared. i needed her not to be scared. she laid me back down on the bed and laid on me, resting her head on my chest listening to my heart. i rubbed her hair and held her tightly. she move and looked into my eyes straight into my heart. "you love me." she exclaimed quietly. "yes i do. very much." "i...you know i love you too Jesse?" i nodded and she found my hand holding it tightly. "don't let me go..ever." "i will never let you go Devon, i promise." again we kissed and i showed her what love was...not what her father did to her. but i showed her the passion and we both figured out what "making love" was. that beautiful moment....she smiled and one lone tear fell from her eye. i tried to wipe it away but she stopped me. "no..let it stay. it's the first tear of happiness I've ever cried....."

"NO MORE!" i couldn't believe those words had come out of my mouth. i loved Jesse i knew i did. but when she began touching me i liked it. and it just reminded me of all the times my father had tried to seduce me and persuade me to like the things he was doing to me. i tried to say something to Jesse but i couldn't. my heart was pounding and my hands were shaking. she hates me she hates me i know she does,..."Jesse I'm so sorry..i just..i don't know please forgive me." she made her way back to me and sat next to me. but she made sure to give me my space i started to cry. she found me disgusting and worthless i knew she would. I'm nothing but a piece of trash to be used over and over again. no one with any common sense would love me. they would see how messed up and undeserving i am of their friendship and love. i feel like dying...i stood up and began to walk away from Jesse but she grab my hand and wouldn't let go.